Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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