I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
