Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
