I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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