i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
