Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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