Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
