i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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