New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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