3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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