i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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