You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
