no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
