Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
