Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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