omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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