You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
