i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
