Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
