guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i will never coherently bang her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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