I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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