Can i not drive my cunt home
"it" just moved
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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