:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
