Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
