If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
