Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
