HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
