did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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