So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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