my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
