Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
