Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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