this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale