My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it