Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK