You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
