I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night