Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
