I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize