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Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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