When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
