They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
