I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
