He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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