I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
