Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
