I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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