Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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