that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
