Betty ford says i'm here all night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
