So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
