Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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