If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
