You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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