1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
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sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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