you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
pop tarts are not kleenex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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