My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have post one night stand depression
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