You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
