i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
