yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
