if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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