you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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