Will you blow on my dice?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
