So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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