like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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