Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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