3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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