No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
