Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
