pop tarts are not kleenex
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
